Not According to Plan

I officially suck at blogging about my fit journey, but maybe that's because I have been sucking at my fit journey. 

My week two didn't pan out exactly as I'd planned, but I didn't want to let that bum me out.  I didn't run, but I DID get the house organized and was ready to literally hit the streets Monday morning.

Cue Sunday morning.....sore throat.  Thank you dh for telling me you had a sore throat AFTER we, well, you know, no need for details.

Cue Monday morning.....even worse sore throat.  I even hit the cold medicine hard Sunday to pre-empt a hard attack.  To no avail. I was however convinced that if I just put my shoes on and got busy I would start feeling better.  WRONG!

Cue Tuesday.  I was so out of it DH had to stay home from work(which he NEVER does) to help look after kids while I.....slept nearly all day.

Cue Wednesday.  Feeling better enough to blog, but to ick to exercise.  And let's face it I don't really need any excuses to not exercise.

I had visions of me at least ten pounds down by Thanksgiving, but with just a little over a week until T day I'm don't think I'll make it.  What I want to do is say "fuck it" and quit!  But for some reason I feel the need to put it out here and hope for some encouragement  and inspiration from those of you who are saying "hell yeah" and doin' it!

Are You Miserable or STRONG?

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same."
– Carlos Castaneda

I recently read the above quote and had an "Ah ha!" moment.  By the way what ever did we call these moments before Oprah:)  The first week was good for about four days at which point I had my family drama to blame.  The second week seems to never have gotten off to a great start....for which I have nothing to blame.

I have been depressed, feeling like I'm worthless, fat, ugly, and any other negative attribute one can ascribe to oneself.  I want to blame everyone, but myself.  My husband who forced us to move to this city where I know absolutely no one and have little time to forge relationships.  My children who pull me from all sides from wake and sleep each day.  Society for making me feel like my weight is in some way a measure of my worth.

Reading "You are either making your self miserable or strong!"  Ouch!  I know I have been allowing myself to sink into misery with a million excuses why I can't be strong, but they are all lies.  I AM A STRONG WOMAN!!! 

It may take some time to be living in it more often than not, but I will do it!

Week Two

I am having trouble actually running.  I want to get up uber early and hit the streets before others are up moving....and seeing my fat ass running.  My problem is I am really more of a night owl type.  My husband doesn't get home until 11:30 p.m. so doing it then would be way too late.  Thus early mornings are really my only option.  I don't think I mentioned it yet, but I have four kiddos ages 18 months-7 years....and I home school....so that makes scheduling the exercise difficult. 

Any suggestions for making the workout fit into a crazy schedule?

Today I hit the rebounder straight away.  Up, poop, drink of water and I was jumping away.  I love it!  I won't go on and on about how it was killing the sides of my feet because the pain was minimal compared to the emotional release from jumping like a little kid on a toy.  It's truly amazing what getting the body moving can do for the soul.  It's no wonder that when I laze around I feel such a heavy emotional load as well as the physical weight.

On the food side I am still having a hard time limiting my portions.  I know this is key for progress in my weight loss and health goals, and yet when the meal was super tasty I have a super hard time turning away from the second helping. 

What do you do to keep your portions controlled?

Well I'm off to the market.  Restocking the kitchen with all healthy food choices and finally ridding the house of Halloween candy.  Crossing my fingers for a better food week:)

Stress Induce Candy Cravings....AGGGH!!!

Apparently I was about three days behind on my candy eating breakdown.  What is ridiculous is that the stress that encourage my random grabbing of a piece of chocolate EVERY time I entered the kitchen was not even directly my own. 

Not one, but two, count 'em two of my sisters-in-law called this week to vent to me about marriage problems with my brothers.  I suppose this is what happens when you are the oldest child and give a shit about everyone.  I'm not complaining about the calls.  I love being part of a family that shares the shit with each other and helps one another, but I seriously need a different outlet for dealing.

On top of that I've decided to get a jump on Christmas gifts this year.  We are cheap-o's and make most of them, so in the evenings when I considered jumping on the rebounder while I watch a little Nip/Tuck(this is my current DVD series) I was easily swayed to paint and cut fabric instead.

Week one is nearly over and I've made some progress.  Not nearly what I would have like, but some is better than none so I will not berate myself and enter the circle of candy once again.  Tomorrow my husband is working double overtime so I plan to pick up the running schedule again on Monday.  My son is wanting to join me and I think I will let him for a little accountability.  If he is planning to run he will not let me back out too easily.

To a not so awful week one,and a better week two.

Hocking a Loogie

I did exercise today so YAY for me!  Running is still so hard though.  I ran three different times in my thirty minutes out for a total of around five minutes running.  It was pretty chilly out there too.  38 degrees when I started.  I am thinking November was probably not the best choice for starting an outdoors running program, but I am ready now, so NOW is the time.  I'm not sure if it was the cold or just me, but the mucus build-up was in overdrive during my walk/run.  I was a bit embarrassed, but having no other options I admit I hocked a few loogies(Is this the proper spelling?) along the roadside.  I guess running isn't for prissy girls.

Get with the Program

I have chosen an 8 week program that I found on the Runners World website.  I will be using this program to work up to being able to run 30 minutes(about 2 miles) without stopping. 


According to my "program" these are the four key points to consider before starting.

1. If you are over 40, not accustomed to any exercise, or more than 20 pounds overweight, consult with your physician. Unless you have a known health risk, your doctor will probably encourage you to begin a run-walk program, but it's always wise to check.
Nope.  I did not consult a physician.  If after a day or two the postings stop it may be due to my heart attack rather than no follow through...so criticize with care.

2. Schedule your workouts. You won't find time for them unless you make time for them. Put them in your PDA, computer, daily appointment planner, on the front of your refrigerator, or wherever else you keep your schedule.
I like this and plan to workout first thing in the morning.  I know if I put it off I will have a tendency to go to bed before I get it done, and we all know that is bad news.

3. Expect bad days. Everyone has them, but they pass quickly, and the next workout is often better than the previous one. So stick with the program.
Yes I expect bad days.  In fact I expect to have more bad days than good days.  I suppose they don't figure the people attempting this are 100 lbs overweight and everyday is already a bad day.

4. Don't rush. In the fitness world, rushing leads to injuries and discouragement. Be patient, and go slow. The goal is to reach 30 minutes of continuous running, not to set any records getting there.
No worries here as my only speed is slow, well, I may have a slower in me.

And now for a little inspiration:

"Sit as little as possible. Give no credence to any thought that was not born outdoors while moving about freely."

--Friedrich Nietzsche

Week 1

	Mon	Tues	Weds	Thurs	Fri	Sat	Sun
	Run & Walk Run 1 min Walk 2 min Repeat 10X	Walk Walk easy 30 min	Run & Walk Run 1 min Walk 2 min Repeat 10X	Walk Walk easy 30 min	Run & Walk Run 1 min Walk 2 min Repeat 10X	Run & Walk Run 1 min Walk 2 min Repeat 10X	Rest

(In all future post anything in RED was written by Amby Burfoot)

So today was my first attempt to run.  I walked for a couple minutes to warm up a bit and then ran for a little over one minute(I'm still figuring out the watch). I hated it!  Of course there was that healthy bitch inside that loved it, but for the most part it was agony.  Then I walked for a few minutes...okay it was A LOT of minutes then ran again for about one minute.  Again the agony only it came on faster this time.  I hope it gets better because that is all I made myself do today.  I know.  I suck.  Baby steps.  Don't forget key number 4....take it slow! 

I plan to get up and try again tomorrow straight away.  Today I put it off until after lunch and only then did I go outside because the stress level was crazy high and I thought that "running" would give me some relief.  So I will count today as a "walk" day and do a "run & walk" tomorrow. 

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

The Starting Line

"Yikes!

Who is that?

Me?

No way!"

"Ew!"  I know you're thinking it.  Hell, I'm thinking it and it's ME in the pictures.  My head is cut off, but it's me in all my rotund glory. I know it's hard to look at so I will type fast and furious in an effort to allow a sooner scroll to remove this disgusting sight from thine eyes.  It's funny in a sad way that I actually walk around strutting this thing around like I look good....well, some of the time.  Other times I hide out in my house with sweats and a huge t-shirt so I don't have to feel like the "fat girl" everywhere I look.

So, let's see, the plan.  Ah, yes.  Run, fat girl, run!  I think this may be a movie title only with a boy, not a girl.  I will have to look into this and see if it may hold some inspiration for the journey, but I digress(as you will soon find happens too frequently).  The plan is simple.  I will run and blog.

Because of my extreme obesity, 274.2lbs to be exact, I will actually start with a walk/jog thing.  I will detail my "program" in a future blog. 

I also plan to do all of this anonymously.  Of course I will be detailing my experience through this blog so it is entirely possible that someone may recognize me, but seeing that the blogosphere is a large one and my friends and family are not frequenters I think I'll be safe.  I am hoping to get some other fat girl runners(fat boy runners count too) to read, share their successes, and keep me inspired to run all of this fat away.

And so without further adieu.

Runner on your mark....get set....GO fat girl GO!!!!